Montanhas rio de janeiro

“But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumphal procession in Christ and through us spreads everywhere the fragrance of the knowledge of him. For we are to God the aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing. To the one we are the smell of death, to the other, the fragrance of life. (Corinthians 3:14-16)”

barry wallcoo

“i will fight for you always, whenever i can, if i can. i will never do anything that may harm you.”

“i laugh at my own jokes.” yes, i do. you do too? (who are you) or what’s the point? i’m getting confused by myself what is what. am i confusing you too?; my mother called last night. she was worried because she couldn’t reach me while my internet and phone were disconnected for a week or so. in the middle of that week, while i was sleeping in despair, my sister and she called me and we briefly talked. miraculously the phone was working for a few hours, i assume, but then got disconnected again when she was telling me to move to a new place. And the phone was dead for days again. She told me that she went to a famous fortuneteller to ask about me, because she worried. the fortune teller told her that i have a good name, very good name. i could have been very lucky, successful. but it was my husband who was blocking, ruining my way. she told her that i should have left him long time ago. it became too late. But still it is better to get away from him now instead of being with him. every year things will get better. that’s what she said. my ex used to tell me that i will leave him. i thought, i wish but how? maybe there was a chance long time ago. i have felt horrible, dying with my marriage all through the time. there was this guy who used to call me home once a week or so. for how many years. he called, heard my voice saying “hello” and hung up. within a length of one, two, three. i guessed who it was, because one day i heard the sounds of inside airplane when he called and knew the schedule that he was supposed to come to IL at that time. i didn’t know him that much, just saw his face a few times, exchanged a few words….just call and be silent for a while, hung up……it was going on forever like that. and once he called me and told me to leave my ex. suddenly. boom. and i cried. that was one single clear communication. guys communicate like this? he didn’t say how. no details. my baby was even less than a year old. and since then silently fought in internet for how many years? five or six years? rarely exchanging words. until i moved to this city? i think he went on devouring women since then or all through the time. this is always how my love story goes. amazing. was the fortuneteller saying that guy?

King of Glory, You Reign

“Who is this King of Glory that pursues me with his love. And haunts me with each hearing of His softly spoken words. My conscience….”

barry wallcoo

Philippians 4:6-9: Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me – put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

“a thousand times for the reign of lord.”

Psalm 142: …….before him I tell my trouble. When my spirit grows faint within me, it is you who know my way. In the path where I walk men have hidden a snare for me. Look to my right and see; no one is concerned for me….I cry to you, O LORD; I say, “You are my refuge, my portion in the land of the living.” Listen to my cry, for I am in desperate need; rescue me form those who pursue me, for they are too strong for me. Set me free from my prison, that I may praise your name. “Then the righteous will gather about me because of your goodness to me.”

“I cried out to GOD that He can not do that to him. Because of my love, i can not bear with it, and He’s not being fair. GOD wouldn’t change his plan. But He let me know how to deal with it, to avoid his anger, punishment, i believe. He already knew long time ago that this will happen, and now He gave me the answer. I read this part in scripture long ago and was puzzled why it was written there. Because, i never imagined that this will happen. As far as i know the answer, all of us will be saved and rewarded by GOD. i have never been a sincere christian as today. Because, i always thought that i don’t have religious gift. i just guessed God’s love and help for me until now, without feeling it with heart.”

How He Loves

“How He (God) Loves”

He is jealous for me, Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree, Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy. When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory, And I realise just how beautiful You are, And how great Your affections are for me.
And oh, how He loves us so, Oh how He loves us, How He loves us all
Yeah, He loves us, Whoa! how He loves us, Whoa! how He loves us, Whoa! how He loves. Yeah, He loves us, Whoa! how He loves us, Whoa! how He loves us, Whoa! how He loves. [ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/d/david_crowder/how_he_loves.html ] We are His portion and He is our prize, Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes, If grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking. So Heaven meets earth like a unforseen kiss, And my heart turns violently inside of my chest, I don’t have time to maintain these regrets, When I think about, the way…
He loves us, Whoa! how He loves us, Whoa! how He loves us, Oh how He loves. Yeah, He loves us, Whoa! how He loves us, Whoa! how He loves us, Whoa! how He loves.
Whoa! how He loves us. Whoa! how He loves us. Whoa! how He loves. Yeah, He loves us, Whoa! how He loves us, Whoa! how He loves us, Whoa! how He loves.

today’s preaching, the words were coming out of pastor’s lips, directly warning against my wanting to leave (not sure whether it’s about my wishing to leave, or something i’m supposed to do but not doing.), almost sounding like God’s direct verbal assault to what i wish for. they were warning against not putting God’s work first (but what it can be now, ‘m in no position to do anything here) before anything else, including concerns for safety, survival, no matter what. continued from the last week’s warning, but in different tongue. and prior to that, the visual warning during. before these, for weeks, the pastor kept talking about the issue, even though the subject was not written in the scripture that he was preaching. one day, i actually went to him to ask why he kept talking about that issue although it was not mentioned in the scripture. he said the subject was implicitly suggested, hidden in those scriptures though the specific words were not written. this thing, ‘how long has it been?’ it may be…but to me, it has been the most unselfish act of caring, l……..i have no capacity of feeling guilt. i squeez my brain cell, but nothing.but i was severely taught about “fear” through my trial. but why i can’t have unselfish l……? it’s been most beautiful and magic happened to me.  up to then, everything had been dull. i’m a receiver of l….. i was never able to fall in l…….by myself.

 i have tried to communicate as much. but still this is the only way to talk. there is limit to say things in a public space. no matter what, have to understand that i tried.; “righteous will gather in my name” how will righteous help me get out of this stalemate?; Today, there was supposed to be a hearing for child custody, which was rescheduled to be at late March. because the court has not and will not make my ex to pay my living costs, the lawyer said i have to get any kind of jobs, if one part time job is not enough, two any kind of part time jobs. no matter what, still it’s not imaginable for me to settle my life in that way. and in this city, with not practiced outdated degree, there seems to be few options. And internet exposes all my personal information, so i’m fully exposed, seems to make anything for me here impossible. within a month or so, i have to come up with something concrete, or even have to be willing to move out of city/state and lose child custody if i don’t want to trap into a possible permanent meager living condition here. and although my head is not really crazy about richness, it also sees meaningless, meager life as impossible condition of living. I don’t quite understand what God is wanting. As i am running out of options, He is not really guiding me how to solve each specific problems each day. i live in modern times. i can not literally wander around the wilderness. Need specific instructions and help to solve my troubles.

Chicago, i love you.

  

barry wallcoo

i think it’s harmless to have a bit of crush on President, isn’t it? who will care. nobody. he is simply a public figure. and millions of single women do so. that’s why he is popular with single women voters, i suspect. was it single women voters or single mom voters? and i’m also in the process of becoming single mom (i cannot believe this. am i? still in denial. maybe forever.) 

seriously i don’t know how to handle my situation. it appears that my ex is coming in and out of my place to mess up stuffs. last week, my internet and phone were disconnected for a week or so. thought it was internet company doing it. but someone came into my place to mess up with the code connection of modem, stole the power code, which was later tossed back into my livingroom as a well coiled bundle, after the internet was connected. and today i realized that my notebook with personal info and passwords etc is gone.  i worry how he would mess up with my personal info, bank info, which doesn’t have that much sufficient amount either. his support check for this month didn’t come, a strategy to make me not to last that long. if he messes  up with my bank info, i’m in huge trouble.  have no way of dealing with my situation. police wouldn’t be any help, because i have no clear proof to provide and probably dismiss whatever i say. bad things are never ending. and i can not do anything about it.

and there’s something about america, too. if the current n. building doesn’t work out to be able to maintain its economic political status in the world and slide down deeper in the downward spiral, it is not likely that this country will be a base of building future progress or solving global crises either. because its voice in the world will be too weak to unite countries to work together, or make any innovations or revolution in future world. the previous domestic system will continue to ditch this country into the dranage unless things change.; i read those part of bible and probably understood. but when not sensitive to my desperate needs, i don’t know how to deal with it. no matter how many times expressed i’m on the verge and needs way out, there has been no solution. there’s been nothing chnaged. like my ex, no matter how many times, i told him i was sick, or how i felt horrible about things, the way our life went on, or i’d been miserable, he never responded and continued his miserable ways of living exactly same as before, actually getting worse for one and half decades. and….what about after that……..

 yesterday, for a while i was at children’s section of bookstore with kid to find something for her. i noticed that the children’s biography section, where there are biographies of old, past famous heroes, scientists, politicians, or social innovators, including princess diana, also carries the biography of current president but none of mr. clinton, mr. ragan, or loosebelt (is it correct spelling? something feels weird), or bush’s. (of course, in adult section, there must be bunch of biographies of all these ex presidents though). i noticed it before, but didn’t think about the implication until last night. i didn’t check whether the store carried the biographies of in-term presidents during the terms of mr. clinton, mr. bush, etc, so can not compare. but last night, it looked somewhat peculiar.     

Sunday 19 2012 Psalms 19; 2 Gorinthians

Psalm 19: The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands. Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they reveal knowledge. They have no speech, they use no words; no sound is heard from them. Yet their voice goes out into all the earth, their words to the ends of the world. In the heavens God has pitched a tent for the sun.  It is like a bridegroom coming out of his chamber, like a champion rejoicing to run his course. It rises at one end of the heavens and makes its circuit to the other; nothing is deprived of its warmth. The law of the LORD is perfect, refreshing the soul. The statutes of the LORD are trustworthy, making wise the simple. The precepts of the LORD are right, giving joy to the heart. The commands of the LORD are radiant, giving light to the eyes. The fear of the LORD is pure,  enduring forever. The decrees of the LORD are firm,   and all of them are righteous.  They are more precious than gold, than much pure gold; they are sweeter than honey, than honey from the honeycomb. By them your servant is warned; in keeping them there is great reward. But who can discern their own errors? Forgive my hidden faults. Keep your servant also from willful sins; may they not rule over me. Then I will be blameless, innocent of great transgression. May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer.

Corinthians 4:7-10: But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair, presecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body.

Corinthians 7:10-12: Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: What earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing, what concern, what readiness to see justice done. At every point you have proved yourselves to be innocent in this matter……..And his afection for you is all the greater when he remembers that you were all obedient, receiving him with fear and trembling. I am glad that I can have complete confidence in you.   

Corinthians 4:16-18: Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen is eternal.

Corinthians 6:1-9: As God’s fellow workers we urge you , not to receive God’s grace in vain. For he says, “In the time of my favor I heard you, and in the day of salvation I helped you.” I tell you, now is the time of God’s favor, now is the day of salvation. We put no stumbling block in anyone’s path, so that our ministry will not be discredited. Rather, as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way; in great endurance; in troubles, hardships and distresses; in beatings, imprisonments and riots; in hard work, sleepless nights and hunger; in purity, understanding, patience and kindness; in the Holy Spirit and in sincere love; in truthful speech and in the power of God; with weapons of righteousness in the right hand and in the left; through glory and dishonor, bad report and good report; genuine, yet regarded as imposters; known, yet regarded as unknown; dying, and yet we live on; beaten, and yet not killed.

Corinthians 8:5-12: but they gave themselves first to the Lord and then to us in keeping with God’s will. So we urged Titus, since he had earlier made a beginning, to bring also to completion this act of grace on your part. But just as you excel in everything – in faith, in speech, in knowledge, in complete earnestness and in your love for us – see that you also excel in this grace of giving…….And here is my advice about what is best for you in this matter:…..Now finish the work, so that your eager willingness to do it may be matched by your completion of it, according to your means. For if the willingness is there, the gift is acceptable according to what one has, not according to what he does not.

” In the province of mind, i’m always with you. i’ll always listen, whenever i can, whenever needed.”

barry wallcoo

please hire me. i may be able to somewhat help with n. building. promoting insourcing, lowering corporate taxes are good, but still relatively limited measures. outward expansion has larger potentional, though limited under recessionary global environments. systematic approach to develop foreign mkts would be desirable.; i’m sick and tired of “john boehner personality,” s.o.b.; “and this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight,” who said this? meaning? ; what would thy say?

“Sweet Home Chicago.” Chicago sounds more like home now.

barry wallcoo

http://news.yahoo.com/obama-joins-jagger-b-b-king-belt-blues-025929811.html

 general giftedness. multitalented. do everything well including dancing singing.

“God Rescued Whom”

sometimes, it feels like unbelievable magic, powerful, undeniable perfectness, dominance. like a hurricane. all through the life, i’d been dominated. i lose the touch of reality. feels yarning urge to slide my hand into the hand, lean on the arm. sometimes, it feels like deathly, poisonous. how could be so deterministic. everythings decided? even without knowing anything, or asking. sometimes, seems unbelievably, obsessively controlling, even threatening. it felt like, want to die. all nerves were shaking when things were cut off, or on the continuous worry of being cut off……….and……… “where does heart go”

“is robert reich divorced” not completely yet but eventually. ‘m getting really confused who is who. who said ” … tal, ial..” ; ” … tal, ial..”…meaning….. i can not get married?

“Rise and Don’t Fall,” “Rise and Maintain” : The Paradigm of US Economic Strategy of Horizontal and Vertical Expansion.

Instead of the usual terminology of “Rise and Fall” regarding a country’s development pattern of economy and trade, from its infant stage through growth and aging/demise stages, the new US economic era could be catch-phrased as “Rise and Don’t Fall,” “Rise and Maintain.” (sounds funny?)

Simply to categorize this existing aspect for the purpose of easy conceptualization, there are two dimensions of US Growth-Maintenance Strategy in maintaining its hegemonic power in world economy and politics: (A) Horizontal Growth and Maintenance and (B) Vertical Growth and Maintenence. The starting point of these paradigm is to see the world as a target market of US busiensses, instead of past attitude of focusing on domestic market, protecting and defending domestic market shares.

(A) Horizontal Growth and Maintenance Strategy (Highest Growth/Profit Potential for Now; but unfortunately international recession).

By Exploring, Exploiting every aspects of competitive advantage of US manufacturing /Business to expand US world market shares while import continuously penetrates domestic markets of goods. – which indicates the importance of US export growth.

(B) Vertical Growth and Maintenence Strategy (Low Growth/Profit Potential for Now, but  Promising Growth Potential for Future).

By exploring, exploiting every aspects of developing high tech industries, innovations, development of new ideas / products, you name them; the growth potential and profits in initial stages of these new businesses/industries/business in the beginning, infant stages will be relatively low, but with promise of future growth until they  become the major market products and industries. (i have to stop for now. my little one is going crazy.)

when i finished I II Corinthians, i fell into chilled stillness, silence. the world seemed to have stopped for the moment. years ago, when i troubled, i read bible once, including these. but i didn’t remembered the contents. thesedays, the idea that these parts of scripture may have some answers kept going on my head. i heard that G-usually let us know his mind by making the parts of scripture to come to our hearts when we read bible. i couldn’t know exactly who are the we, i, you, he, them…..in the scripture….. some part of the scripture is what i seemed to have known, have experienced; some parts i didn’t know, havn’t seen yet. what i understood is, all about the lord is “his confidence, trust in me.” and when i read philippians 2: 19-20, “I hope in the Lord Jesus to send Timothy to you soon, that…..I have no one else like him, who takes a genuine interest in your welfare.” i felt like this was the answer. I’m not sure whether because this is a real answer to my question (because this part came to my heart) or because i am getting more and more scared to live here. my internet and phone has been disconnected for about a week. i got upset with Cox, visited there a few times, and still didn’t work. when i checked the connection (which i have had no knowledge usually), somebody seemed to have gotten into my place and stole the power cord. probably my ex. because it happened right after i asked him to transfer the Cox account to me last week. i changed my door lock last summer, which was really hard to put the key in, open and close. but a week later, suddenly i noticed that that lock got really soft, loose to key in and open the door. somebody did something with the lock. whoelse could do it but him? my pictures of injury, bruises disappeared all the time from my place, although i developed them so many times. still he seems to be getting in and out of my place from time to time. i had some kind of anxiety attack last night. i can not talk about this to anybody, about how scared i was. because nobody will take it serious. i feel like i can not live here anymore.; need to live. maybe hire me.

Sunday Feb 12 2012: Psalm 16

Psalm 16: Keep me safe, my God, for in you I take refuge. I say to the LORD, “You are my Lord; apart from you I have no good thing.” I say of the holy people who are in the land, “They are the noble ones in whom is all my delight.” Those who run after other gods will suffer more and more. I will not pour out libations of blood to such gods or take up their names on my lips. LORD, you alone are my portion and my cup; you make my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance. I will praise the LORD, who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me. I keep my eyes always on the LORD. With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure, because you will not abandon me to the realm of the dead, nor will you let your faithful one see decay. You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.

 Climt paintings? of which paintings? it depends on which ones in mind. i let my laughing sigh out, out of exhaustion. who’s saying? thy guessing the same things of Climt paintings as i have guessed? or know things as facts that i couldn’t have ever gotten. there has been no present or past to build future; nothingness brings nothingness, it’s been becoming more and more hopeless. can not expect anything that much anymore but nothingness with further lies.

i may have to worry about the existence of myself and kids. in this country, there has been only one person who cared about my existence here, my guess is. i ask G-, “all these nonsenses in my life, are these really necessary?” “What for?”, “Are you kidding me?” ”all these things are at nobody’s benefits, but tremendously hurting myself and kids almost to the point of no-turning-back.” ”What’s all these wastes of life and time? for nothing?”

here, we have nobody who look after us, nobody to rely on. wish there’s way out. also need to have no legal barriers, in case, to move around with kids. harmful humanbeing should be out of ways for kids’ lives and future. i read I II Corinthians for answers.