Ex’s manipulating Kids

Couldn’t sleep. Big thing is coming up. I should be as perfect prepared as possible. And election issue, feeling the need to find answer, and this scary court processes (why his trial of violence got delayed to December? for what reason? And what’s the impact of his this kind of kids manipulation on it?), misbehaving kid (what kind of father could ruin kids’ mind?), moving, …..feel like having ramyun noodle brain……….. But one good thing is, it was this ex’s canceled trial that I went to and met unexpected chance………….God really works wonder………though nothing is clear yet.

I was hoping that I move on with my life, leave every ugly things behind, and don’t look back. And while I move on, justice serves by itself and I don’t have to worry about it.

But now I am worried. Justice may not be able to serve by itself, and can be screwed up as much as possible by wicked, crooked mind of Ex.

Kids are playing on both sides, but harder on me, because I make them do things they don’t like to do while their father has become sweetest lately and soley focus on entertaining them. When I tell older one to do homework, she calls it as child abuse. Threatens that maybe she should intentionally fail tests and see how i react. Little one warns, if I make her do something she doesn’t like to do, she warns/threatens me that she will tell her father that I hit her. I get chilled. And don’t know what to do.

There seems to be no limit on him to stop all screwing up, lying all the time, and manipulating kids/facts. When he manipulates kids, he is definitely not serving kids but himself.

I want to leave this note as public record. Because I am scared about things / kids being twisted, manipulated by their father and saying things imaginary, untrue, or making up things. I wish I could leave this as e-mail record. But Ex often broke into my e-mail accounts and got rid of my e-mail records if they are disadvantage of him or they are my contact with school people. Because he screwed up with my computer so much (I don’t know how he got into it), I asked someone to re-install everything in computer. But now, as I write this statement, my computer screen gets unruly, cursor jumps up here and there and endless pop up windows pops out here and there. So, I gave up leaving e-mail records expecting that he will erase them anyway.

Sometimes they say scary things to me, making me see that their father is heavily manipulating them whenever he spend time with them on weekend.

Today, when I took kids back from ex, I saw my older daughter’s facial expression looking strange, almost somewhat devilish. I worries a lot about her. Because she imitates a lot of her father’s behavioral problems, including screaming, extreme impatience, never listening, and copying her father’s foul languages, too. During night, I realized that my earlier fear about her was true. Suddenly, she was talking about previous incidence, about seeing some small bruises on her father’s shoulder during the fall of last year. It was first time I have ever heard that kind of thing. And there was no such an incidence at all. She was blaming that her father told her that he and I had argument and I made him fall on wall that caused some bruise on his shoulder. That kind of thing never happened. As time goes by, when he hit me, I didn’t couldn’t resist him, but let him do it. Because resisting had been useless but made things worse, comparing the difference in our physical strength. Almost a year later (according to her claim), I am hearing this so-called one year old (non-existing, additional) incidence for the first time in my life, which I never experience by myself, but she claims that I caused it.